In the past couple days I have talked with two people in my family. My aunt who, on Valentines Day, had to send her 19 year old cat to the Rainbow Bridge, and my sister who is facing the same dilema with her elderly cat. It is such a hard decision, even when your pet is old, health is failing and you know that their quality of life is not what it should be anymore. Once decision is made and your beloved pet is gone you are faced with the inevitable doubt as to whether you made the right decision, was it the right time, was my pet ready...
Then you have to deal with the emptiness that they leave in your heart and in your home. The empty bed, the empty food dish, the leash hanging in the hallway. All reminders of the life you spent together, the life that too quickly came to an end. They never live long enough.
Some people feel that they need to wait to get another pet, or they never get another pet. This to save themselves the heartache from losing the pet they loved so much. Some people fill the void with another pet, one that needs a home and the love is returned tenfold yet again.
I share my home with many wonderful animals. I .have also sent many beloved animals to the bridge. I remember when I lost my Star. It was a beautiful night in December, just before Christmas. She was suffering from bone cancer and it was her time. I still remember when all was done, I went outside into the cold December air and there was a very gentle snow falling. Tiny perfect snowflakes that danced their whole way down from the heavens. I knew that it was star's way of telling me she was at peace, I called it Star Snow and I think of her everytime I see flakes that dance.
Every pet that I've had has left its own memory in its passing. Some were traumatic like Neriol and Falkor and some were sad but peaceful like Ramius. Ramius had cancer and he went downhill very quickly. I remember when he was in his last days with us and I was talking to a dear friend on the phone. This friend is a very gifted animal communicator and she told me that Ramius was asking for his mother. Not me, but his canine mother who had gone before him also of cancer. She told me to go into the room and look very carefully and maybe I would see her. As i entered the room I saw Ramius lying on his bed. Beside him was a beautiful sunbeam, but there was no sunbeam coming through the window. The beautiful golden light I was seeing was his mother's spirit there to comfort him.
I think one of the hardest passings I've ever had to deal with was the passing of my horse Blugh Grass. Blugh was a dream come true for me. I have always been a horse crazy girl and every year for Christmas I begged my parents for a horse. We lived in Toronto and to pay for board every month was just something my parents could not afford, but that was hard for a young horse crazy girl to understand. When I was 17 the opportunity for me to get Blugh was presented to us and we were able to manage it and so my lifelong dream came true. Blugh was 16 when I got him and he lived to be 32. We had so many wonderful adventures together including me riding him to the church in my wedding gown! He was an amazing horse, a once in a lifetime horse. I rode Blugh right up until November that year, I was expecting Daelin in January and I was getting too uncomfortable riding. The day I went into labour I got a call from the barn that Blugh was a bit colicky (this is a potentially life threatening condition in horses). I was assured that he was ok, and that I did not need to come to the barn. My labour progressed and I had Daelin at 12:28 the next morning. At about 9:30am I got the call that Blugh was really bad and he needed to be put to sleep. Here I was in the hospital, unable to be with him. I thought, for one split second, that maybe I could leave and come back but I soon realized that I would not be able to do that. I could not be with Blugh when he left. Richard called me from the barn and held the cell phone to Blugh's ear and I told him everything that I wanted to say to him. It was the hardest day of my life. Here I was with a beautiful new baby, and crying over the loss of one of the most important things in my life.
I do believe that when we have a really special bond with an animal, and we do bond with some differently than others, that the loss of that animal leaves us feeling empty and longing to have them back with us. I also believe that these animals, send us another (if we wish) that will fill the emptiness that they leave in our lives. I believe that Star sent me Clio. I have such a special bond with Clio and she filled the empty space that Star left in my life when she died of bone cancer so many years ago. Now I look at Clio and my throat closes when I think of losing her. I can't imagine my life without here here. She sleeps beside my bed, she cuddles in my lap every morning when I have my tea, she greets me when I come home, she misses me when I'm gone. I can't imagine my life without her here. But Clio is now 12 years old. The years have flown by and I can't believe that she is in the golden years of her life. In all honesty I know that we dont' have a lot of time left together. This breaks my heart. But I also know when the time comes, that I will give her peace. Even though I know a piece of my heart and soul with go with her, I will let her go knowing that I'm ok, I will be ok. I will see her again. I know that she will be well looked after at the bridge as I have a special angel there to watch out for Cli until I can be with her. I also know that Clio will send me another little girl to warm my heart and my lap when I have my tea...
Blugh outdid himself when it was time for me to get another horse. I remember my friend telling me that Blugh would send me the right horse when it was time. Blugh sent me Rhett and he could not have sent me a more perfect horse. I have a bond with Rhett that grows with each day that we are together, and I once again have a once in a lifetime horse.
And so its a circle, the circle of pet ownership. Although its so hard when its time for them to leave us, I would never give up all the happiness, love and memories that they give us in their short time here, memories that last forever...
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